J and E

This is something that I would not have said I was grateful for last year. I am grateful for my two wonderful children that I miscarried. It's not that I wasn't grateful for them last year, I just was not grateful for their abrupt departure. It's hard to talk about because I feel their loss so deeply even after so many years.

It doesn't look like it, but there are three people in this picture.
We took it the day before we found out we were pregnant
with baby E, though I was almost certain that I was.

I love them, but it has been painful trying and wanting to continue to face each day without them here with us. I know exactly how old they would be if we had kept them. J would be 3 and E would be 2. They would be in Nursery with us each and every week.

We went to the UVU baseball game to celebrate baby J's birthday this year.

This year we started celebrating their birthdays on their due dates. It made those days much happier than they have been in the past. It still wasn't easy, but it was so much better.

Last year we took a new Patterson family picture.
I made this necklace so J and E could be part of the picture.
I got the idea from Rachelle.

There are still many hard days that I am upset they aren't here with us, but I can hold fast to the covenants I made in the temple with Jonathan that bind our family for all eternity. They keep me anchored in my faith that heaven is real. I love them with my whole heart.