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Friday, April 19, 2019

Six & Five

It's hard to believe that this past week would have been J's 6th birthday and E's 5th birthday. I think about them every day, but during the past few months it's been different. Some of the old aches have come back.


I feel like people don't understand why I still miss them and don't just move on. J and E are just as real as you and I. They are unique from me, from each other, from the Holy Ghost. During my brief pregnancies, I got to know them spirit to spirit because that was really the only way I could interact with them. I would just quietly sit and feel. I can't really describe how it worked, but I received a little insight on their personalities and in some ways they are complete opposites.

Birthday cake flavored ice cream for the April birthdays:
J's, E's, and mine.

I'm just like my mom. At the very first inkling that I might be pregnant, I am completely and totally in love with that child. The price for love like that is high, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's been quite awhile since I've experienced the grief to this extent, but I always have it with me. All those years ago, it crushed me because I wasn't strong enough to carry it. In time, I've gotten stronger and stronger. That's why I now share more about my children. I am strong enough to carry my burden. I feel like by sharing my story I might be able to help someone carry their own burden because they can see that I was not defeated by the grief even though for a long time it felt like I was going to be swallowed up by it.

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I feel so blessed and grateful that I have two amazing children that are sealed to Jonathan and me. When we were dating, I didn't realize just how vital it would be for our family to be sealed so that no matter what happened we could be together for eternity. I knew that it was important and I did want an eternal family. I didn't realize that I would need to rely on the covenants that we made so early on in our marriage. I had to choose to trust the power of Jesus Christ to bind my family together. It was not easy and it was a process, but I can say today that through Jesus Christ I have an eternal family and I know that I will have the opportunity to raise J & E with Jonathan at my side so long as we keep our covenants. They help me hold fast to those covenants.


I don't know what the future has in store for us, but I am so grateful for my wonderful children in heaven. Our family is not complete without them.

Friday, April 12, 2019

March, Done and Dusted

This month was another long crazy month! It was filled with a lot of great times though.


I flew back to California for my grandpa's funeral. This was my third trip to California in three months. I really hope that I don't keep up this crazy travel schedule. I don't know if it's funny or not, but I want to remember this story. My flight was really early and I didn't feel like eating breakfast, but I knew I would get hungry since I wouldn't be getting in to California until noon which would be 2 pm for my current time zone. I decided to pack a peanut butter sandwich and some apple slices for later. I feel like I'm a pro at going through airport security since I've been traveling so much. Well, I was wrong. My backpack was taken aside and had to be inspected more closely. I couldn't think of what would come up on the scan that would be so dangerous. It turned out that it was my peanut butter sandwich. I had to open the bag it was in and show that it was just peanut butter and not bomb making materials in my sandwich. It was rather ridiculous and shows just how much peanut butter I put on my sandwiches.


While I was still on my flight, I got up and saw someone reading their scriptures. At first, I didn't think much of it but then I realized they were reading the Book of Mormon. I got excited and saw that she was wearing a missionary name tag. She was heading home to California after finishing her mission in Argentina. We chatted for a little bit and I told her why I was heading back home. 


After I landed, I was starving because I didn't end up eating my dangerous peanut butter sandwich. My mom and I went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and I got 32 ounces of their amazing hot salsa to take back to Texas. (I only have a few drops left of it.)

Later, my dad and I went over to my grandpa's house so I could see if there was anything that I wanted. It was kind of eerie walking through the empty house, but I was able to find a few little keepsakes and a couple of tools for us.


I did not grab these for Jonathan, so I took a picture instead.

I love how there's an 8 track player in the stereo.

That night, we ended up at my brother Andy's house. Honestly, I don't remember too much because I got up just before 3 am (California time) and I was kind of out of it. I do remember most of the relatives being there and a whole lot of chatting. Towards the end of the evening, the grandkids and the great-grandkids practiced singing "I Am a Child of God" since we were going to sing that during the funeral service. My uncle shared a few experiences he had with grandpa. It was just a good night. After most everyone left, we sang happy birthday to Charlotte and had some delicious birthday cake.

Before going to bed, my mom, Chris, and I looked through old family pictures. It was a lot of fun seeing so many old memories. Like this gem.


The following day was the funeral. We were running slightly behind schedule, but thankfully no one else was at the church building we were having the funeral at. Since we had some time and it was close by, we drove by where my grandparents used to live. The house they lived in was demolished years ago, but the little house across the street where they lived for a little while and then my great-grandma lived in is still standing strong. It's a little office building today.

The funeral service was really great. I wasn't sure who would be there besides family, but it was pretty full. I was the chorister and so I was able to sit on the stand with my dad and uncles. It was really interesting seeing how people were reacting and I loved just watching my large family. My uncle Ed gave the life sketch and I don't think anyone else could have done a better job. Uncle Ed is a story teller and I could listen to him for hours on end. He shared a lot of stories I didn't know about including how my grandparents started dating. It explains so much about how my dad introduced himself to my mom.

After Uncle Ed, the grandkids and great-grandkids sang "I Am a Child of God". My grandpa's grandkids from his second wife joined us even though they didn't know the song. Thankfully, we had plenty of Hymn books so they could join us. As we were singing the first verse, I started getting emotional and I was struggling to sing. Thankfully, as we sang the next verse my voice steadied and I was able to sing. My mom was watching us and she saw that Kyle was having a hard time and started crying. Seth was next to him and when he saw that Kyle was crying, he started crying too. My mom started crying seeing the boys have a hard time and Charlotte saw her and it startled her. My mom did her best to regain composure for Charlotte. It was a really sweet experience for all of us cousins.

Afterwards, I was able to spend some time with my mom's siblings who came to the funeral as well as one of my cousins on that side of the family. It was great being able to catch up with them and just be around them. After a whole lot of talking, we all piled into our cars and drove up to Ione where my grandparents grew up. It was a rather stormy day, but I still think it was beautiful.




My dad's best friend played his bagpipes as the grandsons carried grandpa's coffin.
(Fun fact: thanks to Thomas and Morghan getting married the previous month, we are now related to my dad's best friend. It was just a matter of time before we officially became family!)





My brother, Andy dedicated grandpa's grave and we then gathered for some pictures.

10 out of 12 grandkids isn't bad at all especially since we live all over the country.

We are an eclectic bunch, but I sure do love my family!

Bill & Bill. Forever friends.


After all the photos were done, we headed to a nearby church building to have lunch and share more stories about grandpa. The cousins had a great time especially when they realized that baby Dylan liked eating cookies.





Once again, Uncle Ed shared some hilarious stories from his childhood about how grandpa tried to get him to climb under the house to remove a dead (and decaying) skunk from there. We were all in stitches.



After lunch, we headed back to the first church building to gather the rest of our things and then once again we ended up all at Andy's house. Along the way, my uncle that lives in Utah bought 40 tacos from Jack in the Box. Tyler grabbed a taco and headed over to the kitchen table to eat it. Naturally, Mike decided to play a trick on Tyler. Tyler had his back to the table to watch TV while eating his taco. After he finished his taco, he went to grab the wrapper to throw it away and there was a whole taco in it. While he was zoned out, Mike switched out the empty wrapper with another taco. Tyler's reaction was hilarious. He was stunned and so confused. He ended up eating about 5 tacos thanks to Mike's shenanigans.

It was just another nice night hanging out as an extended family. I was able to visit with cousins I don't see very often. Another funny story from the evening. My cousins Kurtis and Scott left and within a minute we see a blonde haired guy dart down the hallway saying they needed to use the bathroom. We were all confused and we didn't think it was Kurtis or Scott, but we weren't sure. Then my cousin Tia comes in and we asked if the guy that dashed by was her husband Nate. Sure enough, it was Nate. Even though this was his first time around the extended Patterson family, he was really comfortable with us.

As the night progressed and cousins were leaving, Andy started working on Kyle's awesome pinewood derby car. Andy was adding LED lights to it to look like the infinity gauntlet from the Avengers. It was really cool.


On Sunday, I mixed things up and went to church with my brother Andy's family. It was amazing going to Sunday School with the adults instead of Primary. It was the first time in a very long time. After church, the kids convinced Andy and Amy to let us play video games since I don't come around very often. We played a whole lot of Super Mario Party that day.

Later that night, my dad came over to Andy's house and the two of us went over to my aunt's house to pick up my grandpa's car. My uncle's family had been using while they were in town and we needed to get it back to my parent's house. My aunt had come down with a nasty bug, but at least it was after the funeral though I'm sure she would have preferred for it to show up after all of her grandkids had headed back home. It was nice to visit with a smaller subset of the family and chat.


Before heading to the airport on Monday,  I visited with Jonathan's grandpa. I never know how long it will take him to recognize me, but this time he was doing some dishes and saw me as I walked up. He immediately called me by name as he open the door. We had a good time chatting and he shared lots of great old stories. When I go over to talk to him, I try to record what he's talking about because he shares so many stories. From family history to his own life to the history of Roseville. You never know where the conversation will go. This time, my phone was running low on storage and so I had to keep hitting the record button. He thought I was ignoring a phone call and was surprised to find out that I was recording our conversation. Just before I left, we were talking about his book collection and he gave me one of his books to take home with me. Being my father's daughter, I had him sign the book just like my dad did with my grandma's books.

It was time to head out to the airport. After getting through airport security (I learned my lesson and didn't pack a peanut butter sandwich), I ran into my cousin Jake's wife and daughter. We chatted for a bit and then she asked me which gate I needed to go to. I told her A2 and then she asked where I was flying to. I told her that my layover was in Phoenix. Without any sort of planning, we were all on the same flight. There had been so many people all weekend long that I didn't spend much time catching up with them. It was perfect! 


Since I had a longer layover, I walked with them to their gate and hung out until it was time for them to board. Jonathan and I are making some travel plans for a week long road trip and hopefully we will see them in New Mexico if and when this trip actually happens.


I finally landed in Austin around 9 pm. While I was truly happy to be home, I was not excited about how cold it was. It was literally below freezing and I wasn't really prepared for it. I wore as many layers as I could, but thanks to experiencing cold weather in Utah for years I knew it wouldn't be enough. When I turned my phone back on after I landed, I saw a text from Jonathan saying he parked the car and had my winter coat for me in the baggage claim area. All of these years later and he is still taking such good care of me!


Once again, I didn't eat much during the day of traveling, so we dropped off my stuff in our apartment and we walked over to Velvet Taco. We each had a delicious brisket taco.


It was a crazy, family filled weekend and I am so grateful that I chose to go. It was wonderful being with them and hearing all sorts of stories that I've never heard before.

Later that same week, the missionaries asked if they could join us for dinner. I always make them decide where we go for dinner and they chose Velvet Taco. (I promise this post is not sponsored by them or anything like that. We just LOVE Velvet Taco!) They have their normal menu as well as a weekly special. As we were waiting I noticed that the special was a gator taco. I've never had any sort of odd or uncommon meat before, but it sound like it would be good so I tried it along with one of our missionaries. I'm happy to report that it was delicious! The texture of the meat is cross between chicken and fish and along with all the other flavors in this taco it was fantastic. I'm a little disappointed that it isn't on the regular menu, but I don't know how easy it is to get alligator meat.


That Saturday, we went for a bike ride on the trails along Lady Bird Lake in downtown Austin. That's right, it went from literally freezing temperatures on Monday to the mid-80s by Saturday. I can totally handle cold weather when I know that it will be gone within at most a week.




Since we are nerds, we celebrated pi day. This year we had a delightful key lime pie.


Our favorite sport, Formula 1 is back for the 2019 season! I haven't been counting down the days for the season to start, but it was close. The first two races this season were both good.


There are bluebonnets everywhere! I love springtime in Texas with all of the wildflowers.


Believe it or not, but we took this picture on the IBM campus a couple of blocks away from where we live and not in a field out in the country.


Our apartment has new building management and they invited all of the tenants for a meet and greet night. I felt bad for them as people shared their laundry list of issues in their buildings, but I think it will all work out in the long run.

They buttered us up with some sweet treats!

We went out to dinner with our missionaries and the invited us to join them on a lesson. After dinner we still had time before the lesson, so they pulled out a game for us to play. I'm probably not going to explain it very well, but I'll try. They have cards with various things on them and they laid down three. Out of the three, you have to pick which one you will live without for the rest of your life. It was things like your dream car, music, lots of money, TV, cell phone, family, friends, etc. About half way through the rules changed to the item we picked to live without extended to everyone in the world. Quickly we ditched friends in order to keep something like scriptures and family. As we continued it was harder and harder to pick which things to get rid of. In the end, we had to decide to only keep one thing. We got rid of family in favor of keeping Jesus Christ. Ultimately, everything we have comes from Jesus Christ. Without him, what's the point of the scriptures or church buildings. The reason why I love my family so much is because Jesus is at the foundation of it. Because He lived and died and was resurrected I have the hope of being with my family for eternity. He is there in good times and in the bad times. I can count on Him. After the game, we went to the lesson but the person we were going to visit wasn't home. So we tried making a few other visits and were successful with visiting a man that has come over to our apartment for lessons during the past few months. We haven't had lessons lately because he's been busy with work, but it was great to meet his family and spend a little bit of time with him. Even though we didn't do what was originally planned, it was still a great night.

After church the next day, I decided to finally try out the oatmeal cookie recipe that is on every container of oatmeal that we purchase. I loved them! The cinnamon in the recipe is what won me over and I almost ate the entire bowl of cookie dough.


You would think we are ward missionaries with how much time we spend with them, but we aren't. The next day the missionaries wanted to come over to use our WiFi while they skyped with their families as well as take picture in the bluebonnets. They are wonderful missionaries and we really enjoy being with them.


Our newest nephew took his sweet time, but baby Eli eventually arrived. He came a couple of weeks after his due date and was surprisingly not a 12 pound baby. He was only 8 pounds but is already almost 2 feet tall. Seth is thrilled to have a little brother and be a little less outnumbered by all the girls.


On Saturday, I noticed that Amy sent me a message on Marco Polo. It turned out that Charlotte sent me a message with a drawing and her singing about unicorns in the background. It was adorable!


All in all, March was a great month. A long one, but a great one. I'm so grateful that I took the opportunity to be with my family in California. It was the best decision I could have made. I do hope that life calms down a bit so I don't have to keep making unexpected quick trips to California. 
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